The Importance of Domme Safety

This is a followup blog to Why Researching Dommes is Important. In that particular blog I mentioned how it's even more important for Dommes to keep themselves safe. And given some of the things that's been going on in the community, it's even more proof that Dommes go through A LOT more. Subs and vanilla people in general often don't realize how much Dommes have to put up with. Dommes get bullied, harassed, manipulated, doxxed, and gaslit, and these are just SOME examples of what I've heard about and what I've been seeing.

Friends of mine have been stalked by "subs" who won't take no for an answer and cross major lines when it comes to safety and their vanilla lives. Fellow Dommes have been manipulated and bullied into giving money and doing all sorts of things they didn't want to do but weren't given any other choice. It's shameful and is the exact kind of thing that is continuously destroying this community. That shit yesterday about ABWolfpack was cold, vile, and many levels of disgusting. New Dommes being taken advantage of because they have a lot to learn is just wrong. And I hope the bastards who were responsible for all of that get exactly what they have coming to them.

With all of that being said, I want to not only relay how important it is for Dommes to stay safe but I also want to give out tips on how to do that. And especially if you're new, be sure to take this all in.

Research:

A major part of getting involved in the kink and fetish community is RESEARCH. Read blogs, articles, online forums, books, and basically anything you can get your hands on. Dominance is something that can't be taught as it has to be in you in some way. But there are things about the lifestyle that can only be learned through research, trial, and error. So do as much learning as you can BEFORE jumping in.

Learn about subs and the different kinds there are. Learn about the difference between subs, fakes subs, timewasters, and fetishists and the differences with how they approach. Fake subs, or subs who just want free attention often post bait tweets prompting Dommes to follow them, RT them, and DM them, and that is just not how it works. Don't fall for that. A timewaster is basically how it sounds. They'll constantly DM you without a tribute or any intention to pay you and will try anything to have your time for free. Fake subs are often vanilla men who get off on wasting a Domme's time, but they can also be people who can be dangerous and will try to manipulate you into doing something for them or giving them money. And this is only possible if they somehow gain access to your personal information. I know most people are smart enough not to do that. But some predators are masters at manipulation, as well as hacking and will pull out all the stops to gain information from a simple picture or video if you're not careful enough, which brings me to my next tip.

Get a VPN:

VPN stands for Virtual Private Network and is ESSENTIAL in maintaining privacy when it comes to things like your location, which some subs can hack if you don't have this. So get it. It's very important. Also be sure that whatever account you're logged into, turn off your location. I'm not even sure why that feature is necessary but regardless. . .don't use it. And especially don't mesh your fetish account with anything in your vanilla life, including using the same pictures, and revealing facts about your vanilla identity.

Don't Cam Verify:

You can get verification in a number of ways, but one way you DO NOT gain it is by acquiescing to any sub's demand to Skype just so he can "see what he's getting". If anyone approaches you with that nonsense, it's a straight up scam. Not only do fake subs and timeswasters pull that shit to get free jerk off material, but others use it for the very reason I mentioned above - to gauge your location. They can use that against you in many ways and some have even resorted to blackmailing Dommes and threatening to dox them if they don't give them money and do whatever they want. It's an absolute nightmare. Dommes have had to go off the grid for awhile and give up being part of a community they love so much and even have had to rebrand a number of times just to stay hidden while maintaining a presence in the community.

It's sick what some of these men do but they have done it and will do it again, and again if given the chance.

Keep Your Guard Up:

Let's just face facts. Being Dominant doesn't mean you're immune to bully culture. There are some women out there who don't know the difference between being Dominant and being a bullying bitch. Sometimes they're instadommes who are only trying to make a quick buck and don't care about subs. Others will bully and harass an owned sub and try and poach them instead of doing the work for themselves. Some even bully out of jealousy. It's pathetic. But it's also reality. Keep your guard up and develop a thick skin. 

Rude, racist, and entitled men will try to bully their way into your DM's, make separate accounts if you end up blocking them just keep harassing you for kicks. Developing relationships with other Dommes is important in cases like this so people like that can be exposed and exiled from the community. It's not always easy but having true Dommes behind you can make all the difference. And regardless of how much money a "domme" claims they're making, never let them shove you in a position that will force you to do what THEY want. Fuck that.

Ignore "Advice" Accounts:

Most of these so-called advice accounts are ran by men who sometimes pose as women or former Dommes with the pretense of helping new Dommes. But usually they are just sick and twisted individuals who end up being rude to Dommes, spamming them with unsolicited dick picks and just being plain rude. There are MANY established Dommes who can truly help you if you need advice. And although a lot of these "advice" accounts will tweet things that seem to make sense, it's just a ploy. That's how they trick some Dommes into thinking they're really being helpful when they're not. There's nothing they can tell you about being a Domme that a well established Domme can tell you herself.

Never Exchange Login Info:

Yes, this is also a thing. Some fake dommes or subs pretending to be try and get new Dommes to exchange info for a number of reasons: to help you build your following, or to just pretend to be you for a day. Never fall for that. That is one of the biggest scams out there in the community. There's absolutely no reason to exchange account information for any reason whatsoever. If you do, you will never get your account back again.

Stay Safe During Cashmeets:

I CANNOT stress this enough. Too many times Dommes have been attacked when going on a cashmeet. Whatever "sub" they met up with turned out to be more dangerous than they could have ever imagined. Some Dommes have been beaten, raped, and robbed. It's infuriating to think that can happen but it can. That's why you should never do a cashmeet until you have gotten to know a sub really well, know his character, his habits, his sentence structure, the way he reacts to things during your conversations. . .all of that can be clues to the type of person he is.

When you do go on cashmeets, let people know you're going. Tell them where you're going to meet, what time, and how long you'll be. And also have someone with you that can act like a bodyguard of some sort. And never do cashmeets anywhere other than a public place. The more people around, the better. Meeting at a stranger's house? NO! Meeting in some alley or park after dark? HELL NO! Meeting up is not something a sub is entitled to, it's a privilege. Make them earn everything you agree to for them.

That's about to it for now. I may or may not have more to post at any given time but this is what I think is most crucial to remember for now. Keep checking back if there's more to be found. And remember you can always come to me or another establish Domme if you need help with something or if something needs to be exposed. Real Dommes got your back.

There are so many ways you can keep yourself safe and it all starts by not only remembering the things I mentioned above, but also trusting your instincts. If something doesn't seem right to you, chances are you may be right. Gut instincts can tell you so much about a situation before the entire truth about it can come to light. As I tell subs who need to remain safe from dommes who scam, do your due diligence on your own behalf because no matter what you do in this world, shitty people are going to be part of it in some way in order to take advantage. Stay safe. And stay vigilant.

Some Other Resources:

Is Findom for You: Key Things to Remember if You Want to be a Domme

Findom Advice