Findom Advice

Advice for New Dommes:

Ok, baby dommes. One thing you must remember as you're beginning your journey as a Domme. IT'S OK TO BE NEW!

We've ALL had to start somewhere. I know it may get to the point where it seems like you're not as relevant, not as popular, seem like you're doing everything wrong etc. Trust me, I've been there. There was a time I had a hard time getting subs, there was a time where I had to wonder if being a Domme was right for me, there was a time where I felt like I might have been doing something wrong. There was a time where I had to quit because it wasn't me anymore at that time. (yes, it's okay to quit for your own mental health and come back to it ONLY when you're ready)

But I researched. I learned. I evolved. I became confident. I understood that as a sex worker, I'm not degrading myself simply because being a Domme IS sex work. I understood that sexuality is part of each and every one of us and there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with exploring that particular aspect. 

It's important to understand that as a Domme you're not selling yourself. (if you do that kind of sex work, that's fine if that lifestyle works for you. to each his own.) You're here to dominate and offer nothing in return. Real subs who show up to submit to you should understand that and know that they belong to you. They don't demand anything, they don't expect anything, and they are only there to serve you and only you.

And while it may feel overwhelming and frustrating at the same time, I want to impart a little wisdom so you can make sure you're taking the right steps and not making any mistakes.

First and foremost: MAKE SURE YOU'RE OF AGE TO BE A DOMME. Remember this is adult work, SEX WORK. If you're trying to be big girl when you're still a little girl know that it is illegal. Take time to grow up first, become of age, and make sure this type of work is right for you. Understand there's a difference between being a FinDomme and being a FemDomme. I wrote an entire thread on Twitter about this. But basically a FinDomme is in the position to control her subs financially and can offer nothing in return if she doesn't want to. FemDommes do get paid if you're hiring them for that role but their main goal isn't financial domination. Always research. Being a FinDomme isn't being a sugarbaby, either. Again, do your research. 

Make sure you create a Twitter profile, and join other social networks that cater to Findom and sex work in general. Potential subs will not just come out of the woodwork just because you say you're a Domme. This is not a "get rich quick scheme". It takes a lot of work, and self promotion before you may receive any subs. 

Make a verification video or take a verification photo with you holding a piece of paper with your Twitter handle written on it. It won't necessarily prove you're a real Domme, but it will prove you're the person behind the Twitter account (although there have been some occasions where even that was faked because men can create the account and get a woman friend to help them fake verification. This is why official verification is always key). To officially verify yourself, there are other ways, such as various clip sites that legally verify you, websites such as FINmessage and Findom World also legally verify who you are, as well as Findom Discord, which is a community server dedicated to Findom where you'll have to be verified before being assigned the "FinDomme" role. Signing up on these sites will show subs you're legit so there will be no excuse in asking you to cam verify with them. NEVER do that, by the way. 

Don't go chasing subs! As a Domme, YOU'RE the one in charge. YOU'RE the one who is in this to dominate. YOU'RE the one who has the power. And if you go chasing subs or hunting them down and demanding they just pay you out of the blue it'll make you look desperate, which is the exact opposite of an image you want to portray yourself as, as a Domme. If you promote yourself consistently, put up good content on your twitter (or website if you have one) the hard work will pay off and subs will come to you. I hate it when fake subs post things like "I want to give $1000 to any Domme who RTs this and DM's me", and I see women flock to him. That's not Findom. That's not how it works. The operative word is "Domination". I know there are plenty of Dommes out there who DO approach subs first. Seeing a potential who is unattached to a Domme, or is probably new and too nervous about approaching a Domme for fear of rejection and you want to talk to him first to assure him and get to know him is understandable and there's is absolutely nothing wrong with that if you do it tactfully. You can't be all "Fuck you, pay me, pig!" and you know NOTHING about this person. He may be a potential sub, but he's still a person who you HAVE to get to know. You need to respect him and his personal space. So if you are going to approach a potential sub, do it tactfully. You hold the cards. Remember that.

Talk to subs who want to submit to you. Find out what makes them tick, learn the things that makes their cock twitch. This will help loads because these kind of men want you to understand them. That's why it's especially important to learn how subs can be different from one another and that you can dominate them in many different ways. You MUST have that understanding to fulfill that need inside of them when you demand their money.

Understand that posting revealing photos of yourself IS NOT REQUIRED. It's perfectly fine if that's what you want to do, but being a FinDomme isn't about nudity or selling nude pix or sex vids. Remember Findom means Financial Domination. It's about mind fucking your subs into surrendering to you financially. It's about getting to know them, getting inside their head, knowing how to fuck with them and using different ways to keep fucking with them. Selling nudes is an entirely different type of sex work so be sure to know the difference.

Be safe!!! I can't stress this enough. There has been too many sex workers getting stalked and harassed because they encounter the wrong guy. Be generous with the block button if you suspect something is amiss with a man who approaches you. Don't give out personal information and don't use your personal email. Create a separate email from your vanilla email and use that solely for the purpose of sex work. Make a backup one if you have to. You can never be too safe.

If you're new to kinks & fetishes, and BDSM in general, that involves physical pain be sure to do your research on how it's properly done, and train with someone who's more experienced before practicing with some friends, if you can. It turns my stomach when I hear about an immature and inexperienced Domme inflict pain on their subs and go too far to the point where it crosses the line to abuse. It's important to know how far you can go and when you should stop. Pay attention to your subs!!! THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONSENSUAL PAIN AND ABUSE. Learn the difference before you even think about getting kinky with anyone.

Don't try to emulate seasoned Dommes. While it's good to follow them to study them and see how they work, don't try to be someone you're not. It's important to come into your own as a Domme. Real subs are not stupid. They know authenticity when they see it.

Be sure to research ways of getting payment from subs that won't compromise your account. Paypal is not sex worker friendly and I advise you use something else. There are different options. I use Circlepay for the time being. Only use Paypal if you absolutely trust your sub and you've had a relationship long enough.

Advice for Subs:

It's understandable if you're new and you're feeling apprehensive when it comes to approaching a Domme. But keep in mind, most of us are VERY approachable even with a dominant personality. That's why we're Dommes, baby. But even though most of us can be approached as long as you follow the rules according to that specific Domme's demands there are some that do make mistakes, have a bitchy persona, and just downright have no clue what it takes to be a Domme. All you have to do is research and study which Domme resonates with you.

As with new Dommes, it helps to a create a social media profile to use specifically as a submissive, check out different Dommes, get a look at their websites if they have one, links to different clips they may have, or links to a social network that caters to kinks, fetishes, and general sex work. Tribute before messaging them and communicate to see if it works out. Remember, every Domme is different. We don't do the same things the same ways. Find a Domme who you click with and have good chemistry with. If you talk to a Domme and all she does is say "Fuck you, pay me." No. . .that's not how it works. Find someone else to submit to.

Be sure to verify you're of age also because there's nothing worse to a Domme than encountering a potential and then finding out they're only 12. 

Never demand anything of a Domme. I don't care if they're new or seasoned. Dommes exist to dominate, not be dominated. That's why you're a sub. You don't have the right to demand she show you her face when she's already verified herself. You don't have the right to insult her if she refuses, especially when her Twitter page or any Findom profile is riddled with proof of who she is. You don't have the right to demand she show you her tits because "you want to see what you're paying for". First of all, you're paying her because she's a Domme, because your money belongs to her if you're there to serve her. She's not there to offer you a service or anything else. You're not paying to possess anything regarding her body. That's not the way it works. When you approach a Domme, DON'T BE A DICK.

You also need to understand that Findom means Financial Domination. If you don't have the means to sacrifice your money, don't get into Findom. It looks very bad for you and makes you look like a Timewaster when you drop into a Domme's DM's begging for her to give you her free time when she works hard enough as it is to establish herself as a Domme. Don't whine that you haven't gotten paid yet, or you want a quick session to see her on webcam before you're willing to offer money. Again, not the way it works. Approach a Domme when you have money and then maybe you'll get the privilege of her time - if she feels you're not a dick and you're compatible enough to be her sub.

Don't bait tweet that you're looking for Dommes and prompt them to RT and/or DM you with the promise that you'll pay them a certain amount of money. That's not how it works and will only aid in confusing new Dommes who don't understand that SUBS ARE SUPPOSE TO GO TO DOMMES. DOMMES DO NOT CHASE SUBS. However, if you're a genuine potential sub and you're not bait tweeting for other Dommes to follow/RT you and one approaches you to get to know you because they sense you're shy etc, that's fine. But keep in mind that she is still in the position to dominate. As I said before, don't demand anything from her.

If you happen to become a sub to a Domme and you feel like she's being more abusive then simply playing the role of a Domme, GET OUT. Findom is about Dommes getting off, being aroused, or simply enjoying taking the money of her subs while the subs get off or become aroused because they have the need to surrender their money and giving it up is satisfying to them. But most D/s relationships will consist of other fetishes and kinks that go beyond simple Financial Domination that will take a LOT of trust, a LOT of understanding, and a LOT of time and energy where aftercare is of the utmost importance. What's also important is that IT'S ALL CONSENSUAL. If you're being abused, or think you're being abused, get out fast. Being a part of the Findom community is a business and/or a lifestyle for many women. It's NOT an abuse of power. So be safe. All of you.